On my way home from work yesterday I was having one of theose conversations with God where I’m trying to rationalize my way of thinking even when I know it’s not right. This was over Powerball. I had a ticket all filled out and a ten dollar bill on the seat and I was rationalizing the reasons I should win, and dreaming of all the scholarships I’d give out. I thought of so many great reasons why I should win and asked for a sign. Immediately a large pickup truck pulled out in front of me with a skull painted on the back window staring at me. That wasn’t much of a sign. But hey, I’m not stupid. So I took my ten dollars home. I felt like a kid that didn’t get ice cream. I just moped about.
I sat on the sofa with my $2.00 plastic bed tray and painted some tiny watercolors. My art hasn’t been selling since I opened my Etsy store in September (one piece). I don’t feel too confident that Sunnyside Shop is selling it either, since the declaration that no prices would be on them- customers will have to ask. When I get discouraged I become paralyzed. My natural desire to create has to overcome this paralysis… it can take a day, a week, a month…
So I’m sitting there trying to overcome and paint, and I painted the little watercolor above, and posted it on Facebook with a smart aleck remark. And what happens? Everyone wants to know size and price.
Whatever signs and wonders come my way seem to be reminding me of my powerlessness. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.