I don’t know about everyone else, but I do know for myself that this one month build up to Christmas is ridiculous. To me it’s a slap to other faiths, a set up for emotional disaster, a blatant outrageous bid to cash in on people’s weakness and wallets. And it’s a slap to Christianity… a month of honoring God? Sure, if you say so. I get a little depressed.
It got me thinking about why I’m not falling all over myself to make some crafty cheap art to sell fast and make some much needed money myself. My heart isn’t there. My insecure, uncertain heart is too self important these days. On the one hand I believe in myself. I love what I’m doing. On the other, I compare myself and feel really pretty terrible. I don’t have a marketable schtick.
Every time I make a piece of art I build myself up. I put it on Etsy, or Ebay, or take it to the Sunnyside Shop. Sometimes it will sell and that’s the best feeling. Then there’s the stack that I haven’t sold, and I feel like little pieces of my ego and my soul are never going to see the light of day. It’s Christmas, people are buying, it’s the best time of the year to cater to art lovers- paint their cats, their dogs, their houses, their kids. That train left without me.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll ever find myself, ever turn the world on to my art. I just don’t know. But I can assure you that in 28 days I’m going to kick myself for not jumping on the Christmas bandwagon. Maybe I’ll have a lot bigger stack of ego and soul piled up. I’ll be really glad when the season is over.