INSECURITIES AND EXPECTATIONS

I don’t know about everyone else, but I do know for myself that this one month build up to Christmas is ridiculous. To me it’s a slap to other faiths, a set up for emotional disaster, a blatant outrageous bid to cash in on people’s weakness and wallets. And it’s a slap to Christianity… a month of honoring God? Sure, if you say so. I get a little depressed.

It got me thinking about why I’m not falling all over myself to make some crafty cheap art to sell fast and make some much needed money myself. My heart isn’t there. My insecure, uncertain heart is too self important these days. On the one hand I believe in myself. I love what I’m doing. On the other, I compare myself and feel really pretty terrible. I don’t have a marketable schtick.

Every time I make a piece of art I build myself up. I put it on Etsy, or Ebay, or take it to the Sunnyside Shop. Sometimes it will sell and that’s the best feeling. Then there’s the stack that I haven’t sold, and I feel like little pieces of my ego and my soul are never going to see the light of day. It’s Christmas, people are buying, it’s the best time of the year to cater to art lovers- paint their cats, their dogs, their houses, their kids. That train left without me.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll ever find myself, ever turn the world on to my art. I just don’t know. But I can assure you that in 28 days I’m going to kick myself for not jumping on the Christmas bandwagon. Maybe I’ll have a lot bigger stack of ego and soul piled up.  I’ll be really glad when the season is over.

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This entry was published on November 27, 2012 at 6:58 pm. It’s filed under art, life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “INSECURITIES AND EXPECTATIONS

  1. And what a sweet painting. Even if you think you’re catering to pet owners it’s a lovely painting.

    • Thanks. It’s confusing… I wish I had the ability to paint anything that pops in my head and it would end up being loved. I don’t think that happens too often for artists. Luckily I do love cats 🙂

      • I think you need to do what you did yesterday it sounds like and paint what you love and it will come out in your work. And have faith that your audience is out there. I showed a friend a painting I was working on on my phone when I ran into him and I could tell he wasn’t blown away by it and I thought oh, maybe it’s not that good. And then I thought why am I declaring that he is The Guy who knows good paintings and I’m willing to decide whether my painting is good or not based on his opinion? One guy? And I don’t even know what his taste is?? It was a really powerful moment for me. I was giving my power away.

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